Fear of women, some psychologists are a widespread fear that many men go to the specialist to treat this condition most of the time daily. Patients always say I’m shy. I don’t trust myself. I am afraid of approaching women. I don’t know what to tell them. When I am in front of a woman, I block.
Generally, this pathology is the fear of the other’s gaze. Negative thoughts and unpleasant physical sensations accompany the fear of being badly perceived.
Causes: Negative thoughts
- I’m going to screw this up.
- I’m going to make a fool of myself.
- I’m not good enough.
- If only I could get away.
Unpleasant physical symptoms:
- Knotted throat;
- Sweaty hands;
- Tension in the belly or chest;
- Foam legs.
Type 1: fear of approaching women
- The fear of approaching women is the most common and “visible” problem.
- This is logical because the focus is the first phase of the male-female interaction.
The symptoms of this fear are hesitation, procrastination, and excuses for not addressing it:
- «I want to get closer to her, but … But … But … But … But … But … There are people around … Maybe she has a boyfriend …
To overcome this fear, the solution is simple:
- You have to approach women over and over again.
- The greatest enemy of fear is repetition.
Type 2: Fear of interacting with women
- This fear is related to the post-rapprochement phase.
- This phase lasts between 1 and 15 minutes approximately.
The symptoms of this fear are verbal paralysis and the black hole.
- You go up to a woman, and then… you go speechless, stutter, or throw the death investigation at her (“What’s your name? Do you come here often? What do you do? How old are you?”). And then what? End of interaction.
To overcome this fear, there are two possible solutions:
- The first is to force yourself to interact with women of a particular duration.
- For example, you set a goal to go out tonight and lead five interactions of at least ten minutes.
- Again, the greatest enemy of fear is repetition.
- The longer you interact with women, the less afraid you will be of interacting with them.
- The second solution is to go regularly – repeatedly repeat – to an environment where you have to interact with women.
- In other words, you make your interactions with women inevitable. For example: signing up for salsa, yoga, painting, theater, etc.
Type 3: Fear of expressing attraction
- Either verbally (telling her that you find her attractive, asking her for her number, asking for her date, etc.) or non-verbally (looking into her eyes for a longer time, holding her hand, kissing her, etc.), if you want to seduce this woman, sooner or later you will have to express your attraction.
The symptoms of this fear are unpleasant tensions, procrastination, and excuses for not doing it:
- Is the time right? I don’t want him to think I’m a pervert… I want him to take the first step… “If you don’t, nothing happens nine times out of ten.” Ah, well then.
- I should have”.
The solution is again straightforward.
- It is by forging that one becomes a blacksmith.
- You express your attraction, verbally and non-verbally, over and over again.
- To facilitate your learning, I advise you to make it a mission from time to time.
- For example, You set a goal to approach five women who attract you and tell them that you find them attractive.
- Another example is that you set a goal to get close to five women who attract you and try to kiss them.
Type 4: Fear of physical intimacy
- Many men block when it’s time to move on to “serious stuff.” This fear is often due to:
- Lack of experience (virginity);
- Bad experiences in the past (disappointing sexual relationships, traumatic experiences during childhood, too harsh or repressive education, etc.);
- Inferiority complex is linked to the size of your “soldier” or other physical “deficiencies,” premature ejaculation, impotence, etc.
- The best cure for this type of fear depends on the cause. Due to lack of experience, the solution is “simple” again: accumulate expertise.
Type 5: difficulty developing a relationship
- This type of fear takes many forms.
- Fear of being hurt
- This form is due to painful breakups in the past (adultery, lies, power plays, etc.) or lack of experience.
The symptoms of this form of fear are a suspicious and withdrawn attitude and cautious behavior:
- I’ll take my time to get to know her better. I don’t want to be hurt.
- It is normal to want to take your time. It is normal not to want to get hurt.
- Yes and no… It depends on the intensity of the fear.
First, the more suspicious, withdrawn, and cautious you are, the more likely you will create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
- Everybody has flaws.
- The more suspicious, withdrawn, and cautious she is, the more likely you will interpret her flaws as premonitory signs: “Oh, I knew.
- At first, it was not like that. He only showed his true face.
Second, you keep him from opening up to you by being suspicious, withdrawn, and cautious. Worse, he encourages her to be cynical, detached, and careful in return:
- Why is he so withdrawn? You probably have something to hide. I must be cautious.
Third, such an approach prolongs the “mating phase.”
- And the longer the mating phase lasts, the more likely you are to make a mistake.
- The more likely the attraction is to disappear …
- The solution depends on the severity of the case.
- If the fear of being hurt is not too intense, then the solution is to work on yourself.
Fear of disappointment
- It is a phenomenon that I have seen with some good flirters.
- They are so talented and have accumulated many conquests that they perceive women as too similar and predictable.
- They know women’s behavior, habits, and reflexes so well that they are no longer a challenge for them.
- As soon as they see behavior in her that they have already seen in other women, they are disappointed.
- In some men, this phenomenon disappears naturally with age.
Not in others. One solution is to stop dredging to:
- “Unlearn” these higher social skills;
- Go back to being a beginner;
- Grow a small healthy dose of necessity.
- Stop flirting and become a “normal” guy who doesn’t try to make up for lack of affection and intimacy with a series of quick wins.
- Fear of disappointment also exists among some who have experienced a series of… disappointing relationships.
- This form of fear is a variation of the fear of being hurt.
- The solutions are the same: forgive your exes, take responsibility, and give your future partners a chance (don’t compare them to your exes).
You may also be interested in: Fear of Flying: Questions, Causes, Symptoms, Treatments, Therapies.
The fear of losing her
- Beginner or experienced dredger, this fear is not specific to any men category.
- Every man has known or will know sooner or later the fear of losing this woman before having conquered her.
The symptoms are:
- There is a solid need to be with this woman, prudent demeanor, and exaggerated kindness.
The causes of this fear are multiple. Here are some of them:
- Lack of experience (not especially in flirting, but in long-term relationships);
- Believe in the existence of the ideal woman (soul mate);
- Believe that this woman will make you happier;
- Consider him superior to you (more beautiful, more intelligent, more popular, etc.).
The best solution is a long-term solution:
- Accumulate experience.
- The experiment is a set of successes and failures.
- Thanks to the confrontation with chess – repetition, remember – you will understand that losing it is not bad.
- But be careful! If you accumulate nothing but failures and no successes, your self-confidence can take a beating.
- If you are currently suffering from the fear of losing it, then the best short-term solution is to take the risk.
- By being careful and kind, you have a better chance of losing her.
- So it is better to lose it trying to conquer it than to lose it trying not to lose it.
- In short, act to get the reward and not to avoid the punishment!
Generalized social anxiety
- To overcome this social phobia, I highly recommend undergoing cognitive behavioral therapy.
- This therapy is one of the most effective for this mental disorder.
- It is scientifically proven.
Fears can be cumulative.
- The fears may be cumulative, but not always. Some guys are afraid to speak but not to be intimate.
- Others are not afraid to get close but do not dare to be intimate. Some are afraid of getting close and personal. And so on.
- Anyway, a man can have one type of fear or several.
- Intensity, duration, and frequency of fear
- Each type of anxiety can vary in intensity, duration, and frequency.
- For example, you may be a little, moderately, or very afraid of approaching women.
- This fear can last from a few seconds to a few minutes.
- And it can rarely occur, time and time or regularly.
- The intensity, duration, and frequency of fear depend on you, the object of fear, and the context.
Confrontation, repetition, and progression
- All fear is overcome by these three ingredients: confrontation, repetition, and progression. It would help if you confronted your fear (s).
- I mean, you have to do what scares you. It would help if you repeated this confrontation over and over again.
- Then you have to increase the level of difficulty gradually.
- As soon as your fear subsides (after confrontation and repetition), you do something that scares you a little more than the above.
- Develop your personalized action plan – based on confrontation, repetition, and progression to pulverize your fear of approaching women, express your attraction, and become intimate.
The solution depends on the severity of your case.
- As you have seen, I have repeatedly proposed therapy as a solution.
- It is the fastest, most effective, and least painful way.
- Yes, you can handle it, but it depends on the severity of your case.
- The more severe your case, the more difficult it will be for you to cope alone, and the more advisable it to consider therapy as a solution.
Hello, how are you? My name is Georgia Tarrant, and I am a clinical psychologist. In everyday life, professional obligations seem to predominate over our personal life. It's as if work takes up more and more of the time we'd love to devote to our love life, our family, or even a moment of leisure.