If you are in a relationship, it is natural to feel a little jealous at times, especially if you have very strong feelings for your partner. Occasional jealousy is fine and can even add a bit of enthusiasm to the relationship, learning how to control jealousy can help make your relationship healthier, you have to know what to do when jealousy becomes more frequent and intense and even overwhelming.
Nobody likes to feel jealous because they are an inevitable emotion that almost everyone will experience. The problem with jealousy is not that it arises from time to time, but what it does to us when we do not control it, it can be scary to experience what happens when we allow our jealousy to dominate us or shape how we feel about ourselves and the world around us.
This is why understanding where our feelings of jealousy come from and learning to deal with them in healthy and adaptive ways is key to many areas of our lives, from our interpersonal relationships to our careers to our personal goals.
Ideas on how to control jealousy
Overcoming jealousy is like changing any emotional reaction or behavior, it begins with awareness, which allows you to see that the stories projected in your mind are not true. When you have this clarity, you no longer react to the scenarios your mind imagines.
Jealousy and anger are emotional reactions to belief scenarios in your mind that are not true. By changing what you believe, you change what your imagination projects and you can eliminate these destructive emotional reactions, even when there is a justification for the reaction, jealousy and anger are not beneficial ways to deal with the situation and get what we want.
Trying to change anger or jealousy once you are in the excitement is like trying to control an ice skating car, your ability to handle the situation will be greatly improved if you can avoid danger before we get there, this means addressing the issues. beliefs that provoke jealousy instead of trying to control your emotions .
Don’t act on your feelings
It is difficult not to act how you feel, the feeling of jealousy or any other feeling is not the problem, the real problem begins when you start acting on them and let them consume you.
Remember that your better half is a human being who is actively interacting with the world around him, that world contains people of gender who prefer sexually, but that does not mean that they cheat on you with them. There is a reason they are in an intimate relationship with you, if they wanted to date other people, they would have. So the next time you feel jealous, accept the feelings, but change the way you think about the situation and be reasonable and wise.
Calm down and stay vulnerable
To love is to be vulnerable, George RR Martin said it best: “The more you love, the weaker you are”, what you should do is open your heart to your partner, trust what comes and remain calm. Yes, it is not easy, but you must be willing to accept what is beyond your control and trust yourself to face the unknown.
Remember, you are in the relationship, because you decide to love, it is a choice you make to love your partner and at the same time accept risks without qualms or jealousy.
Express your jealousy in a gentle way
If you feel that your partner is doing something that is making you jealous, you can express it and talk to them in a mature way, you can also communicate it with humor, diplomacy or directly as long as it is respectful.
If you are a comedian, you can joke about how incredibly jealous you are when your partner pays attention to another person, laugh with them while saying this, because it will take the pressure off the subject and get the message across. When you are a diplomat, you can let them know that you love them very much and know that they will never cheat on you and if you are direct, just tell them that you trust them, but that you cannot control their feelings and you want them to consider how you feel about it.
One of the main reasons people get jealous is that they have low self-esteem and insecurity issues, they tend to think that they are not good enough, their partner will pick up on this and leave them for someone else.
You need to know that there is a reason why your partner liked you in the first place, if you need any reassurance or thanks, feel free to ask too. The next time you feel jealous, remember that your partner is with you because he wants to be with you because of your positive qualities.
Heal your wounds
People tend to act jealous because of previous relationships too, you could have hurt yourself before and they could have cheated on you, you have to go beyond your past and realize that you are out of that relationship and into a new one.
The person you are with is not your ex, understanding the roots, triggers and reasons for their jealousy is an important part of personal growth and maintaining a healthy relationship. Whenever you start to feel jealous, make a conscious effort to heal your old wounds, be more resistant so that your past does not affect your present and your future.
Trust your partner
You must trust your partner, because you have no other choice if you want to have a happy and successful relationship. No one can control anyone and you have to let go of jealousy, having some control is not a bad thing, but trying to control someone for things you have no control over is problematic. Act in a loving way despite the feelings of jealousy you experience.
Believe in yourself
The best thing you can do is trust yourself as you can love deeply and without regret, this is not easy, but ultimately, when you trust yourself, you trust what comes. You feel confident that you will be able to handle even the most difficult situation, including a breakup or rejection.
Tame your imagination
It is surprising that something that begins in our imagination soon gets out of control and causes such devastating damage. Imagination increases jealousy, as seeds, fertilizers, sun and water make your garden grow.
Don’t overdo things by going over and over in your mind. Imagine instead being able to do all the things that make you happy instead of having all those negative thoughts and emotions inside your head, imagine not having to obsess and worry about every little thing.
Work on self-improvement.
Insecurity is a major factor why people get jealous of their partner. At some point, even a small disagreement can lead to a massive fight just out of jealousy.
If your own insecurity or low self-image makes you think ill of yourself, you often start wondering what your significant other sees in you, this is when you start questioning your partner, interrogating every move they make, and you You freeze in fear that they’ll find someone better.
It is imperative to work to improve your self as an individual to be a full and equal partner in your relationship, choose a lifestyle to reduce stress . Get involved in groups and activities that make you feel good about yourself, focus on your strengths, and of course, have more than one friend.
Reevaluate toxic habits.
The same actions that you think will reassure you (like questioning your partner, checking their phone, harassing their ex on social media) will make you feel more anxious if you never find something. These coping strategies alienate the person you’re trying to connect with and while you acknowledge that, yes, sometimes your partner is a liar and would never learn about cheating other than by looking at their Facebook messages, you still have to. Make sure that vigilance doesn’t become a real habit that you slowly take over your life.
Talk to a friend
Our close friends are there for a reason, to be there for us when we really need them. Use these friendships and discuss your jealous issues with someone who can provide an outside perspective on what is happening.
Take action if something is happening
In the worst case, your partner may actually be doing something wrong behind your back, if there is real evidence that your jealousy is happening for a valid reason, it is important to take action, you should focus on what you should do regarding the relationship in terms beyond the breakup.
In a relationship, it is important to maintain open and honest communication with our partner, if we hope to have their trust and for them to have ours, we have to listen to what they say without being defensive or rushing to judge. This open line of communication is not about venting our insecurities, but about allowing ourselves to be kind and connected, even when we feel insecure or jealous, this naturally helps our partner to do the same.
There is no question that it takes a certain level of emotional maturity to deal with the many feelings around jealousy, it takes being willing to challenge our critical inner voice and all the insecurities it generates, and it takes willpower to back down and resist acting on our impulsive and jealous reactions. However, when we foster this power in ourselves, we realize that we are much stronger than we think. By learning how to control jealousy, we become more confident in ourselves and in our relationships.
Hello, how are you? My name is Georgia Tarrant, and I am a clinical psychologist. In everyday life, professional obligations seem to predominate over our personal life. It's as if work takes up more and more of the time we'd love to devote to our love life, our family, or even a moment of leisure.