Whether it’s a cheating spouse, a parent who let you down as a child, or a friend who let you down, we all must face the question of whether and in what way we should forgive. Learning to forgive is something that very few know how to do, and by doing so, you let go of your complaints and judgments and allow yourself to heal, although this may sound good in theory, in practice, forgiveness can sometimes seem impossible.
Forgiving others is essential for spiritual growth, the experience you have had with someone who has hurt you, although it is painful, now it is nothing more than a thought or feeling that you carry with you, these thoughts of resentment, anger and hatred represent energies slow and debilitating that will disable you if you continue to let them take up space in your head, if you could free them you would have more peace.
What must be done to learn to personar? – Tips
Learning to forgive those who hurt us is an essential life skill, as it helps develop inner maturity, frees us from emotional attachment to the other person, and helps us develop the power to move on.
Forgiveness begins with learning to forgive yourself for any harm you have done to yourself and others with destructive habits and for allowing others (starting with your family and including relationships with adults) to be cruel or abusive to you or take advantage of it. or disrespect.
Talk to someone about the situation.
Instead of reflecting on yourself or isolating yourself, talk to another person to help you understand better and to feel like you are less alone.
You can also get some valuable tips that can help you better understand the situation and have a clearer idea of how to proceed.
You may not want to talk to too many people, select a few trusted friends or family whose opinions you value highly.
Left pass time.
Another important aspect of forgiving someone is being able to take some time to be alone with your thoughts, if someone has really hurt you, whether your boyfriend has cheated on you or your best friend has been saying hurtful things behind your back, it is It’s important to take time to get space and spend time on your own. Also, overtime could gain perspective on the situation.
For example, at the time, certain words spoken by your partner or friend may have seemed especially painful to you. However, with time and by thinking about them, you may understand why they said the hurtful thing.
Understand that you did the best you could at that time
Maybe we didn’t have that much objectivity, or we acted out of survival or protection mode, maybe we let stress build up, putting us at a higher risk of responding poorly, whatever the factors are, take a break. If you learn from it, it was never in vain.
Let go of your resentment.
If you resent the person for the harm they have caused, then you will never be able to move on, both in your own life and in continuing your relationship.
Acknowledge your own failures and the possible ways you have hurt people to help you come to terms with wrongdoing and release your resentment. Everyone makes mistakes, and acknowledging your own mistakes will help you understand the mistakes made by the person who hurt you.
It won’t happen overnight, but the sooner you try to put your resentment aside, the sooner it becomes a priority.
Take some time apart if you need it
Take into account if you need time away from that person who hurt you. If you do, then it’s not embarrassing to say that you need a few weeks, a few months, or just that you want to be apart until you are ready to spend more time together.
Be honest. Say something like, “I’m not ready to talk again, I hope you can respect it.”
Express your emotions
You have to be aware of your feelings and the way they affect your body and mind, our body registers every emotion we feel and this affects our immune system, hormonal balance and brain chemistry.
There are several ways to express your emotions in a healthy way.
The first thing you can do is release your anger. The best way to do it is actually very primitive, you can go somewhere where no one will hear you yelling, hitting, ripping or breaking things (just make sure you don’t hurt yourself, someone else, or break something valuable). Crying and feeling sad are also an option because they will allow you to release all the tension that you have been feeling inside. Also, talking to a friend or a therapist will help you feel much better.
After releasing your anger, you can write yourself or the person who hurt you a letter, of course, you don’t have to send it, just writing it will help you eliminate all your emotions.
Another thing you can do is talk to the person who hurt you, this will be useful only if you feel calm, if you don’t want to talk directly to the person, you can imagine a dialogue between the two of you. Close your eyes, think and tell them out loud how you feel and then think about what they might say to you, when they are done, thank the person for listening and release them with gratitude.
Think of all the good things in your relationship.
Do you enjoy spending time with the person because they are fun, or do you have smart conversations together? Do you make a good team raising your children? Are you sexually satisfied? Make a list of all the things about your relationship, be it romantic, friendship, or family with the person who has hurt you.
Assess whether the good outweighs the things they did to hurt you. Start by writing down smaller positive attributes, then move on to larger positive attributes like personality or the good deeds they did for you.
Hear their side of the story
There are always two sides of a coin, listen to the other person and listen to what they have to say, let the person speak without interrupting them and try to see the situation from their side of the story.
To be a good listener, make eye contact, save distractions as your phone, and be open-minded. Also, try to provide appropriate feedback by asking clarifying questions or paraphrasing what they said.
Do not be combative or defensive, take a deep breath or withdraw from the situation if you get angry about something they say.
Rebuild your limits
Once you express all your negative emotions, feel free to create new limits in the relationship you have with the person, this may include not seeing them until they have had enough time to recover or establish new guidelines in their relationship. The most important thing to do is make sure you protect yourself and your emotions.
Sometimes people may not understand your choice, especially if they are close family or friends, try to explain why you want to create new limits and make sure you put your own needs above the needs of others.
Compassion may be the last thing you want to show when you feel like you’ve been truly hurt. Empathy and forgiveness are closely linked and it will be almost impossible to forgive someone without feeling empathy for them.
Turn the page.
At some point, you have to accept that the past is over and that you have done everything in your power to correct past mistakes. Now is the time to turn the page and accept those events as part of your story, they have all contributed to making you who you are, being grateful for those experiences allows you to move on and truly forgive yourself.
The last step in building self-esteem is moving toward loving yourself, think well of yourself, and show compassion. If we can learn to think of ourselves as our best friend, speak to each other with love and kindness, and put ourselves as a priority, it reaffirms that we believe we are worthwhile. Get involved in psychotherapy or training if you need an outside perspective in this area, find books on this topic, and surround yourself with supportive people.
We could try to fool ourselves that holding feelings of anger and self-righteousness can help us feel better when we have been hurt, but as we have already discovered, when we refuse to let go of anger and resentment, we cannot hurt anyone else. than ourselves.
This is probably the most important reason why we should make it a priority to learn to forgive. But what are the other reasons?
When we refuse to forgive someone, we often mistakenly believe that we are the ones in control, using silence, anger, or withholding our love or friendship to ‘punish’ the other person for making us feel the way we do, however, when we react in this way, we are far from being in control.
By refusing to try to forgive, and instead of sinking our heels in stubborn resentment, we allow another person’s actions to dictate our actions and emotions, we get bogged down with negativity; Our anger creates obstacles that prevent us from feeling and acting the way we want. We only manage to stop ourselves, not the other person.
What if I still can’t forgive?
It’s okay if you’re not ready to forgive someone, just take some time to think about it. If you decide you’re ready, but are having trouble going through the steps, you can also try these suggestions:
- Talk about the situation with people you trust. Another person’s perspective can help shed new light on things.
- Write your thoughts and emotions. They can be clearer once they are on paper.
- Talk to a professional. If your experience is particularly difficult or complicated, it can be really helpful to speak with an expert, such as a counselor.
- Forgiving isn’t always an easy process , and it’s understandable if you struggle with it but it’s worth trying some of the suggestions above, to see if you can change the way you think and feel about the past and let go of any hurt feelings.
By learning to forgive, you can train yourself to think from a clearer and more controlled point of view, this should not only help you to be better in touch with what you really want, but it can also help you decide how you want to get out of your place of pain.
So forgive fully and often, learn to forgive yourself and other people. Forgiveness equals freedom, so learn to forgive and trade the past for a bigger and brighter future.
Hello, how are you? My name is Georgia Tarrant, and I am a clinical psychologist. In everyday life, professional obligations seem to predominate over our personal life. It's as if work takes up more and more of the time we'd love to devote to our love life, our family, or even a moment of leisure.