Relationships can consume a lot of our mental and emotional space, and when they go wrong, they can cause immeasurable pain, you can feel that you have given a person everything you have, you love them and they have your heart. However, those gestures or feelings may not correspond and now you want to know how to get out of a toxic relationship, there are numerous signs that warn you of being in a relationship that is not healthy at all and that is one-sided and unsatisfying.
I think after every breakup, you leave a piece of yourself with that other person and you may never get that piece back. Over time, that emptiness will heal and fill with joy, although experiences, memories, thoughts , emotions , tears and laughter can always remain in the past with people with whom you have shared your life. This is the human experience and journey to find true love, loving yourself is the most important step in a relationship, and recognizing when to leave is the second.
How do you know if you are in a toxic relationship? – Warning signs
The term “toxic” is used a lot when we talk about people whose presence in our lives is not positive or supportive. It seems that as a society we are increasingly aware of the negativity in our lives and we want to release it.
The good news is that any relationship that does not make us feel good or contributes to our well-being should not be tolerated , we can exercise our right to limit these relationships or eradicate them completely and doing so can be powerful and wonderful.
While there are many signs that you may be in a toxic relationship, it is not always clear when you are in the dynamic itself, many times a toxic association starts out well enough, but then slowly (and subtly) begins to erode your sense of self. itself.
One of the first warning signs of a possible toxic relationship is that the other person is constantly violating your boundaries. When someone has their limits continually challenged and crossed, especially when they have made it very clear that it is not comfortable for them, that would be a great red flag because for me it indicates that the other does not take into account the limits of that person.
You make excuses for your partner
You’ll want to come to his or her defense because they care and, as much as they hate to admit it, because they care about what other people think about their relationship. It is not your responsibility, however, you justify their bad behaviors.
You have to hide or lie in many situations
You know that if they don’t like something, you will find a way to lie or sneak away to avoid bothering them. Trust is the foundation of a successful relationship so both people must put trust first and communicate things.
There is a lack of respect
We all deserve respect, be it from a family member, friend and in this case from your partner, if that person loves you, they will treat you with the greatest respect and without doubts. Never tolerate anything less, no one is more than you and you are more than anyone. When a lack of respect is allowed to pass, the relationship gradually deteriorates.
You cannot be completely yourself.
You should never have to suppress certain parts of yourself to make your partner accept you, if they cannot love you as you are, with your strengths and weaknesses, then they do not deserve you.
You will do whatever it takes to avoid fights.
With this, you might think that you are helping your relationship by letting go of things that may bother you or that you think you have to give your opinion to something that you do not like, but if you do not address the problems it will have consequences later. The fear of breaking up or getting into another argument is not reason enough to be passive.
You have to ask for permission.
It is good to take into account the thoughts and feelings of your partner when making decisions, but it should not be just one of you who can give the go ahead, you must have full freedom to do what you want, you do not have to ask permission for anything since It does not own you, just communicating it is enough.
You are always afraid that you are doing something wrong.
That constant anxiety of not knowing the status of your relationship can be debilitating. “Is he / she mad at me?” What did I do this time? These are not questions one should have to worry about in a healthy relationship.
It makes you feel bad about yourself.
Bad words are very hurtful when they come from the people we care about the most, and in a relationship it is absolutely unacceptable. If your partner loves you as much as they claim they do, they would never put you down or humiliate you in any way.
No one should make you feel that you are less or that you do not deserve anything. A caring partner should remind you how much you mean to them and how amazing you are, even if you don’t need the reminders.
He blames you for everything.
It is exhausting and unfair to always have to face any obstacle in your relationship, if your partner cannot take responsibility for their mistakes, it is not their job to fix everything, pointing the finger is easier than acknowledging it.
They bring out the worst in each other.
Two people in a relationship should inspire each other to be their best selves, they shouldn’t act as a trigger for the other, even when they know exactly which buttons to push. You will never be completely happy if your dark halves come out frequently.
Your work life is being affected.
Staying in touch with each other throughout the day can have its benefits, but up to a point. Constant check-ups are a sign of distrust, and struggling through text disrupts productivity at work, being unable to separate your personal and professional life ruins your focus and mood.
You are afraid to speak.
It’s a major issue if you don’t have a voice in your relationship, if having an opinion is enough to provoke a fight, you’re not in a good place.
Your needs are in the background.
Your relationship should not revolve around one person, your wants and needs are just as important and you should feel comfortable expressing them. If your partner is not willing to compromise, you are in a dictatorship.
You feel like you are trapped.
The fear of being alone or of not being able to find someone better than your current partner can paralyze you. You cannot imagine a life without them, even if that life is not ideal.
Te da ultimatums.
The threat to break up is a manipulative way for one to maintain control, do not fall into the trap, it means that they are insecure and have no other means to stay in power.
There is no trust.
Regardless of how strong a relationship is, lack of trust will be its downfall. The power of doubt can weaken a foundation and easily cloud any of the positives. Insecurity can result in the inability to trust one’s partner and, in turn, cause them to become overly in control.
Your social life has declined.
A healthy relationship has a balance of time together and apart. Investing all your energy in your partner can cause you to ignore everyone else and cut your loved ones out of your life.
9 Tips on how to get out of a toxic relationship
If you got to this point it is because you are really in a toxic relationship, and you have made the courageous decision you need to get out of it, the first step is to find healthy support. Remember: you don’t have to do this alone.
Specify your role the relationship.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent, you need to acknowledge your role in this toxic relationship. Are you a collaborator or are you more of a victim? Stay autonomous in your relationship, build boundaries and stick to them.
Don’t be afraid of change.
You may feel comfortable in a relationship because you feel that you already know your partner and are afraid that you may feel an emptiness in your heart, at that time it is difficult to cut ties, which is the other half of this toxic relationship, but it is much better to be happy and lonely alone and miserable.
Before you were in a relationship with this person, you probably felt comfortable being single and were afraid of breaking walls and changing. Don’t let your partner’s lack of self-confidence take you down from wanting to regain your freedom and get out of this relationship.
Stop all possible contact.
If you really want to date, then contact with your ex needs to be managed very strictly.
Most highly toxic partners have softer sides and this can have a strong allure, if you are feeling vulnerable you are likely to risk reverting to your ex if you reconnect with him or her.
Stop feeling sorry
Do not feel sorry for yourself, you may feel full of anxiety at the idea of moving on or that you constantly think about them, being aware that the relationship is toxic, but you are afraid to let it go. You are stronger than you think and you can move on and, in fact, you will feel much happier when you have severed ties completely.
Rate yourself first.
Feel good about who you are, how you have grown and what you offer in your personal and professional relationships, have compassion on yourself if you want to return to your toxic relationship.
It is normal for you to miss your ex but keep in mind that lost times that felt good do not mean that he was or is good for you. If you have trouble remembering your own worth, think about what you would say to a family member or close friend who wanted to return to a toxic relationship, thinking about how you can value or advise another person can help you treasure yourself and move on.
Talk kindly about this person to others.
The fact that they have ended their relationship does not mean to cut someone out of your life and then say trash behind their back, if the person in question comes up as a topic of conversation, they can change the subject or say something short, honest and kind: « Yes, I haven’t seen her in a long time… I hope she’s okay.
Stay with your decision
Once you make up your mind, stick with it. You can keep giving your partner one more chance and keep thinking that they will get better, but eventually, one more chance is too much.
You have to accept that it is toxic and decide that enough is enough and that you are done, pack your things and do not look back.
Forgive your ex completely
Harboring feelings of anger, pain, regret, or resentment will only harm your own mental and psychological well-being. In order to fully heal you will have to put aside negative emotions that will otherwise hold you back, this can be a difficult decision to make because you may feel justified in feeling the way you do, however your emotional state is an option.
Talk to a professional
If talking to your friends and family is not an option, it is always a good idea to consult a therapist or outside professional for help on how to get out of a toxic relationship. Creating a support system and gaining perspective on a stranger’s relationship will help you remember why you need to leave; they can also hold you accountable for taking action.
Being in a toxic relationship is not only detrimental to your mental health, it can also negatively affect your physical health. A 2014 study found that people in an unhealthy relationship suffered from disturbed sleep, stress, and even an increased risk of heart problems.Even after a toxic relationship ends, the negatives and stressors won’t go away immediately, just like you recover. From a physical injury, you can expect the same for healing after a high- stress relationship .
Hello, how are you? My name is Georgia Tarrant, and I am a clinical psychologist. In everyday life, professional obligations seem to predominate over our personal life. It's as if work takes up more and more of the time we'd love to devote to our love life, our family, or even a moment of leisure.