Fear Of Falling In Love (Philophobia): Acceptance, Causes, Symptoms, Treatments

The fear of falling in love , of having a relationship is very common in millions of people around the world, who fight against this emotional disorder that prevents them from having a normal love relationship. The medical term used to define this condition is Philosophobia, which causes stress and anxiety among people about the possibility of an emotional relationship.

Some psychologists affirm that Philofobia is considered a very particular event that occurs in humans, in their desire to protect themselves from a love relationship, where the brain creates very complex concepts about love and intimate relationships that often surpass reality. becoming a serious problem that must be treated in most cases with specialists.

Definition of Philosophobia

There are many medical, scientific and even personal interpretations about all the meaning that the fear of falling in love contains, but the closest and endorsed by specialists in various parts of the world define it as an acute and absurd fear of falling in love. When people feel this fear, they flee to romantic situations that lead them to establish strong ties, such as commitment, marriage, etc.

That is why the specialists recommend being attentive to the situations that arise and treating them, so that in this way people can start a love relationship without fears that generate instability in their daily lives and that they can enjoy their emotions and affections without negative effects.

Acceptance of fears

Accepting that you are afraid of falling in love will help you take the first step, to treat this condition and put an end to the problem of being happy loving another person. Here we present the most common fears of Philphobia.

Lose independence

  • To fall in love is to share next to another person, which can become an inconvenience if you have always been very independent.
  • Fear of quitting your job, sharing with your friends or doing that recreational or sporting activity that you did when you were single.
  • Generally this type of fear is more frequent in women than men.

Previous failures

  • Failure is a very powerful reason people have for not falling in love again.
  • After a love break, after going through a grief, spite and the pain that failure leaves, it is almost impossible for the person to take the initiative to start a love relationship alone.
  • If there has already been an opportunity and it did not work, it is likely that your heart is hurt and you do not want to go through the same pain.

Vulnerability and understanding

  • After going through a love disappointment, it is logical that you feel vulnerable in the face of any proximity to a love relationship.
  • Generally, both men and women when going through a pain related to love, feel vulnerable and seek understanding from other people to help them overcome their grief.

Talk about the past

  • Although many people prefer not to talk about their love past, it is fundamental to do so.
  • Remembering what happened can be painful, however it is important to open up and tell the story, that is what the love of overcoming and coming to the surface is all about.
  • Closing in and living in isolation is not good under any circumstances.

 Lack of self-love

  • If we are not able to love ourselves, it is almost impossible that we can find a person who loves us.
  • You have to review very well within yourself, discover special virtues that you can cultivate so that you can love yourself and that other people can love you.
  • It is important that you are happy, that you love another person, but you must start by loving yourself.


  • You must trust yourself, base yourself on home experiences and not on that of third parties.
  • For example, if a very close friend or relative had a bad experience in a love relationship, it is important that you understand that this does not mean that the same thing will happen to you.
  • Insecurity is a poor counselor, perhaps what prompts you to avoid falling in love.

Avoid compromise

  • Sharing your personal things, giving explanations, adjusting to your partner’s schedules, is an experience that you refuse to live.
  • You are happy as you live, you do not want love commitments.
  • You think that if you make a commitment, your happiness will run out.

Choosing the wrong person

  • The fear of choosing the wrong person is one of the problems you deal with every day when you start a love relationship, thinking that you are in a mistake does not help the relationship flow freely.

Unfounded fears take you away from the possibility of falling in love and enjoying a healthy relationship, facing fears and overcoming them will give you the necessary tools to fall in love and be happy.


Traumas during childhood

  • The fear of love is related to bad experiences that have severely marked the person.
  • Confusion between living childhood experiences with parents or close relatives can also create fear of falling in love.

Formative Models

  • Formative models, related to culture and in many cases religion, can have a direct influence, since love relationships often occur with certain restrictions.
  • In some cases, falling in love is closely related to brutal punishments that affect people when they fall in love.


  • When people have been through severe depression, you can hardly be gentle with a person who approaches you with the intention of making them fall in love.
  • In most cases, depression hits self-esteem and forms a barrier that prevents the love relationship from flowing.
  • The state of vulnerability avoids establishing any affective bond.


  • Anxiety.
  • Nervousness.
  • Fear of falling in love or relating.
  • Fear of public places.

Visit to the specialist

Although it seems normal, a person can live isolated from everything, especially from love relationships, closed in on themselves and pretend that everything is normal. If you have all the symptoms described above and have been experiencing these sensations for more than 6 months, it is important to talk about it and visit a specialist.

Keep in mind that there are specialized people who can help you overcome your fear of falling in love. Therapies with expert psychologists in the area and some opportunities combined with medications can help you positively. The fear of falling in love can be related to the fear of loving

What are the recommended therapies?

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)

  • Considered by specialists one of the most effective psychotherapies to treat people who are terrified of falling in love.
  • The therapist tries to make the person lower his anxiety level, erasing from his mind the ideas of imagining what might happen if he falls in love, anticipating the facts is not convenient.
  • It allows to recognize which are the negative thoughts that have generated the fear of falling in love.
  • The specialist will establish a guide of conduct that allows the patient to create a state of mind.

Exposure therapy

  • The specialist through examples such as romantic scenes, sharing between two lovers, to study the patient’s reaction.
  • When this type of therapy is applied, the patient is guaranteed to reduce their anxiety levels, begin to see reality, identify their fear and be able to attempt a love relationship.


  • Depending on each case, the psychologist will apply the most appropriate treatment for each case, generally the medications that are applied are to treat anguish, depression and anxiety produced by fear.
  • The threat here is clear: it is the pain of anguish.
  • This threat is especially scary if you’ve been looking for the “real deal” for a long time and can’t bear the thought that another relationship won’t work.

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Hello, how are you? My name is Georgia Tarrant, and I am a clinical psychologist. In everyday life, professional obligations seem to predominate over our personal life. It's as if work takes up more and more of the time we'd love to devote to our love life, our family, or even a moment of leisure.